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I thought about directing this towards women only, because so many of my friends just don’t get it and think of their man as an improvement project. But then I realized that men have this problem too, just in a different way. It has been said that women marry men thinking they will change( with help from them, no doubt) and they don’t, and men marry women thinking they won’t change and they do.

Women are by nature usually focused on nurturing for the first part of their lives…it is only possible to bear children while you are young after all. But men are focused on building their fortune or chasing their dreams and less likely to be focused on family. Now before anyone gets up in arms, I know that is sexist and a complete stereotype; I know that many men stay home and nurture, I know that some women put off child rearing and some do both, career and children, etc,etc. I am only talking about the biological drives of the sexes as a median group.

So women often want to help their children, and overly help their partner as they are in their nurturing years. Thus they will constantly try to get their man to change. Here’s what I know is true. It won’t work. You’ve got to go with the idea expressed by Rita Rudner in her comedy act. To keep romance alive in marriage, you must accept him exactly as he is, and then pretend he’s someone else.

Well it works for men too, so try it. Accept her exactly as she is, and if you must, pretend she’s someone else. I have told a few couples this little secret, individually and privately, of course, and guess what? It brings a new calm and acceptance that is very romantic. Partners are always communicating at an emotional level below the words. True acceptance can be felt and it permeates everything.

So try this the next time you are upset with your partner for not doing what you want. If it’s truly not a life changing event, just decide to forgive him or her and accept him or her as she is. Light a candle and let your anger drift away with the breeze of the heated air. Life is   short . Love is long. Or to put it another way, if you are going to laugh about it later, why not now?

Of course there are lots of tips you could read and  write  down, but the  best  tips are usually  short  and succinct, as this one was: Remember, accept your partner as they are, and pretend they are someone else. It may sound funny, but it’s actually profound.

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